Angry, with occasional optimism

So I'm still mad. But now I'm mad with a purpose.

I've had a lot of time to think about what happened to me on Thursday. I'm hurt and angry, but the more I think about the situation and the personalities involved, the more I begin to see the reasons why things have turned out the way they did. I don't like them or understand them, but at least I see what was really going on while I was innocently dreaming of a future that was never going to be mine.

And while it's still infuriating, I'm gaining at least a little perspective on the situation. I was always a little unsure about the whole darn thing, and this way, at least, I don't have to deal with the question of whether or not I really wanted it, or whether it was really the best career mover right now. It's a little freeing, really. I have the whole world in front of me, and relatively few restrictions on where I can go or what I can do. I've been thinking a lot about where my life should go next, and while this whole episode has kind of highlighted the foolishness of trying to plan too far ahead, I have come up with several viable and relatively pleasant options.

Graduate school? And if so, what kind of program, and where? Is this the time to bite the bullet and try out librarianism? What other jobs are open out there -- and not just the ones in my field? If I'm going to branch out, this may be the time. It's a little thrilling. I haven't felt this way in a while.

I'm still a little upset about the manner and timing in which this whole thing played out, but I don't feel quite as persecuted as I was on Thursday. Things happen, and it is nobody's responsibility but my own to see that my feelings don't get hurt. I'm still proud of what I accomplished in these past few months. I did well, and they really can't take that away from me. It hurt, but this is not a killing blow. I am not beaten, and I will persevere. I will keep doing my job, and I will keep doing it well. I will not let the bastards get me down.