If at first you don't succeed....

So I'm not really good with this blogging thing, am I? It's hard to find things to write about that I wouldn't mind if the rest of the world read. Not that anyone's likely to ever read this thing. But still.

I'm having a hard time getting into the Christmas spirit this year. Which is odd, because I actually have money to spend on people this year. And it hasn't really snowed yet, which you'd think would make me happy. I think it's because of work. Responsibility is hard. Promotions sound really good in theory, but the trouble is they want you to work harder in exchange for that bigger paycheck.

It's good to have more to do. I was kind of bored as an intern. Every time I finished a phase of my main project, there was nothing to do for a day or two, and I could sit back in my corner and stop and breathe for a moment. That doesn't happen anymore. By the time I get one thing checked off my to-do list, two more things have arrived to fill its place. There are at least four crucial projects that need to be done RIGHT NOW, plus about a million other things that need to be completed eventually, plus all the stuff that would be nice to do one day. By the time I get home each night, all I want to do is eat my dinner and go to bed, but I have to work on an article or research project that will hopefully advance this career I decided I wanted, and I don't know how to find the time because I'm so damn tired.

But I did get most of my shopping done today. I finished up what I needed for other people, and I also got some things for myself. It feels a little decadent, buying presents for yourself at Christmastime. It also feels good. After this month, I feel I've earned it.

Will it get easier? In a few months will I get used to the daily grind? Will the feeling that everything is urgent and the future of my job and the institution as a whole hinges on even the smallest decision ever go away? I hope so. People seem to have confidence in me, and I hope it's justified.